Glitter’s For Parties, Not For Chasing

Image by Shamblen Studios for Unsplash

Why you keep chasing things you actually don’t want.

I LOVE glitter.

I love glittered eyeshadow, (it’s perfect for day despite what you may have been told). I love glittered nails. I love glittered Christmas ornaments and garland (both of which I own and proudly display every year). I LOVED Taylor Swift’s glittered knee high Louboutin boots from her ERA’s Tour. I have yet to get my hands and pocket book on those. I love a glittered party table.

Glitter definitely has its place. Can you say, “Everywhere!!”

However, I learned early on from my mother, “Not all that glitters is gold, Danni.” But it took me decades to really learn and live that lesson.

I am an ambitious creature, just like you. My resume and all the things I have, or have access to, show it as do yours. And our Gold Star Girl species can and will spend an awful lot of time chasing glitter. Only to learn the hard way that it’s often fools’ gold.

• The next promotion.

• The bigger title.

• The corner office.

• More money.

• More recognition.

• More followers.

• More influence.

• More family responsibility.

More, more, more!!! Because surely that next thing is FINALLY going to make us feel successful, important, secure, worthy. And just plain, enough.

We’re like a dog chase’in a car! And sometimes we catch the promotion; award; our name on the door; the seat at the “table;” THE invitation; and the final say on mama and daddy’s health care.

Then…y’all know that for approximately 11 minutes, we feel fantastic.

Then we Gold Star Girls start looking around. Oh Lord!! We see somebody else got a better promotion. Somebody else's business is taking off better than ours. Somebody else's book becomes a bestseller. We always wanted to write a book!! Somebody else's name is suddenly on everyone’s lips. Don’t let it be that heifer we don’t like and know is as phony as a two dollar bill. Your pompous brother really has the better health care connections and knowledge than you.

Here we go again, running in the street, not looking both ways, chase’in after another car. Even though we and the good Lord knows we're tired.

Here's what I think happens to Gold Star Girls like us. We were taught that achievement was THE only evidence, that we were smart, successful, doing life right, making good decisions, and worst of all…worthy. So we keep collecting evidence, and gold stars.

But here's the problem with glitter… It gets everywhere!!!

You think you've cleaned it up and six months later you find it on the floor, in the carpet, on your shoe, in the the cat’s fur, and on your arm (where did that come from??).

That's what chasing achievement can feel like. You think you've finally “arrived,” only to discover there's another destination to get to; another mountain to climb; another goal to reach; another person to impress; and another imaginary jury waiting to decide whether you've done enough or are worthy enough.

In all our chasing, we forget to ask THE most important question:

Do I actually want this?

You see most Gold Star Girls weren’t taught to ask the right question. It was too rebellious. So instead we were taught all the wrong ones,

1. Would it look good?

2. Would mama or daddy be proud?

3. Would I be representing the family well?

4. Would my colleagues be impressed?

5. Would people finally take me seriously?

6. Will this make me a whole hell of a lot of money?

I know from experience that asking the right question can be downright scary, because deep down we know the answer. We’re petrified of the discomfort, upheaval and potential collapse of it all. But sweetie, sometimes you got to feel uncomfortable, ruffle some feathers, and tear it all down to build it up right.

It’s okay to not want the corner office but instead want more time.

It’s okay to not want another title, but instead more freedom.

It’s okay not needing to be the most successful person in the room, but instead want to enjoy the room you’re in.

And it’s really okay to want to stop performing success, long enough to actually experience your life.

This can be a hard thing for a Gold Star Girl to admit. Because you’re supposed to be happy when you finally get everything you were supposed to want. But when you’re not, the devil leans over your shoulder and whispers in your ear that you’re an ungrateful thing who didn’t deserve it anyway. Then you start thinking, devil your right. And you start wondering what’s gone wrong and what’s wrong with you.

I’m here to remind you, the devil is never right (or truthful). Nothing has gone wrong. Nothing’s wrong with you.

You’ve simply changed.

The woman who wanted all the things five, ten, twenty, thirty, forty etc…years ago, or even yesterday was doing the best she could with the information she had. She doesn't need to be mocked. She doesn’t need to be shamed. She doesn't need to be fired. She doesn't need a straight jacket. She just needs to be listened to.

By you.

I'm never going to suggest you stop being ambitious. Ambition is a wonderful thing. But what I am going to ask you to do is:

Chase the things that make you feel more like yourself.

Chase the idea that wakes you up before the alarm.

Chase work that makes you lose track of time.

Chase the life that feels good to you when nobody is watching.

and

Stop chasing glitter because somebody told you it was gold.

Glitter is for wearing, holidays, and parties. Enjoy it. Cake it on. Throw it around.

But when it comes to your life make sure you're chasing something you actually want to catch.