Good Girls Get Gold Stars ⭐️ ⭐️ (and Tiaras)

WHY YOU’RE SUCCESSFUL, BUT YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT

If you were a "good girl," chances are you know exactly what a gold star feels like. It might not have been an actual sticker for an excellent spelling test (although Lord knows we all collected a few of those in grade school). But you learned early that being agreeable, dependable, responsible, smart, and successful earned approval.

Make good grades. Yes ma’am. ⭐️

Be nice. Yes, ma’am. ⭐️

Work hard. Yes, ma’am. ⭐️

Make everyone proud. Yes, ma’am. ⭐️

Mind your manners. Yes, ma’am. ⭐️

Always help others. Yes, ma’am. ⭐️

Boy, did they make us feel seen and good! Somewhere along the way, all those little stars set the stage for us to get bigger ones.

Promotion = ⭐️

Corner office = ⭐️

Perfectly coordinated family Christmas card? Oh honey, that's two ⭐️ ⭐️!

From the outside, your life looks downright enviable. You've built the career. You might not literally have a white picket fence, but it doesn’t matter because everyone can imagine it in their mind.  You've earned respect (the Aretha Franklin Kind: R.E.S.P.E.C.T) People come to you because you always know what to do, how to do it and when to do it. And you’ll actually do it (go figure!).

You're the one holding everything together, while looking like a beauty queen and somehow making it look effortless.

And yet...

You’re contemplating getting bangs because something, anything needs change. Even though you know it ain’t the best idea.

That’s because, late at night, when the house is quiet and you quit answering questions, organizing schedules and home maintenance, overseeing homework completion and finally stop checking work emails there's this tiny question that keeps knocking on the door like a Dodge Ram.

Why doesn't this feel like enough?

For a gold star girl like you, that question feels and smells like personal failure. But it isn’t.

You’ve just become your own Friday Night Lights. You’re now exceptionally good at succeeding according to everyone else's scorecard.

Girls with gold stars, don't wake up one morning and decide to live up to everyone’s expectations every waking hour of the day. It was a much subtler transition that that, because it’s been happening one gold star at a time since you were little. So now

It's just easier to say “Yes.”

It’s just easier to smooth things over because arguing makes everyone uncomfortable.

You might as well volunteer because everyone knows, you know how to do it.

What’s one more project, because, well…. “If you want it done right?”

Now you're managing everyone else's expectations and you haven’t the faintest idea of what are your own. Now you've become the valedictorian of a class you never actually signed up for.

Honey, I’ve lived all of this. I ran a multimillion-dollar organization and still got caught in my head about what everyone would think about my next decision, regardless of if I knew it was the right one. I’d worry about whether everyone liked me, or if they thought I was really up for the job (despite having obviously met the qualifications for the job).

There are women who negotiate million-dollar contracts but feel guilty hiring someone to clean their house and help with their kids. Women who have collected awards, titles, and impressive LinkedIn profiles, yet secretly wonder if they're allowed to want something different.

Not something more.

Something truer.

Because here's what nobody tells little girls chasing gold stars…

Approval and fulfillment are not the same thing.

Approval comes from other people.

Fulfillment comes from you and finally trusting yourself.

That's scary, especially if you've spent decades believing that being good means being indispensable, accommodating, and endlessly competent. When your identity has been built around making everyone else comfortable, choosing yourself can feel downright rebellious!

But Gold Star Girl that's exactly what's required. Maybe the next chapter of your life isn't about earning another gold star.

Maybe it’s about putting down the scorecard altogether. It’s about asking questions you haven't dared ask in years. Like…

What do I want?

What actually brings me alive?

If nobody clapped...would I still choose this?

Those aren't selfish questions. They're honest ones. And honesty has a funny way of leading us home.

So if you've built a beautiful life that somehow feels too small, too scripted, or too heavy, let me tell you something I wish I had heard sooner:

You’re allowed to graduate from being the good girl.

The gold stars may have got you here. But they don't have to decide where you go next.