How Women Feel About One Another at Work

I get two very different reactions from my female friends when I tell them I’ve pivoted my business to helping other women advance in leadership and maintain it. Some love the concept and fully support it. Others, however, make visible faces of confusion or even distaste. When I inquire further, they’re always quick to clarify (thankfully) that it’s not about me but rather their feelings about other women in the workplace. As the conversation unfolds, I find that at the heart of their discomfort are painful experiences they’ve had—experiences caused by other women.  

I didn’t have my first female boss until my early 40s. I remember discussing this with my mother, and her immediate response was, “Women are the worst.” Given that my mother has had a lifetime of close female friendships, I knew exactly what she meant. By that time, I had already been targeted by women in my workplace—specifically, women who went to my previous male boss and our board president (also male) to request my firing because of changes I had made to their committees. What they didn’t know was that my mandate had come from those very men. Yet, instead of abandoning me, those men stood by my decisions, kept me informed about stakeholder dissatisfaction, and helped me strategize through the mess.  

Later in my career, however, when similar complaints arose over changes I was leading, it was women leaders who hastened my professional transition (and, to be fair, some men as well). What I’ve never forgotten is that neither group of dissatisfied women engaged in a direct conversation with me. Because of that, I completely understand the reactions of my disapproving friends.  

I’ve also noticed another stark difference in my friends’ reactions: the ones who find my business endeavor questionable are women of color. My cheerleaders are not. That, too, speaks volumes. It’s something that needs to be explored further. At the same time, I don’t believe these reactions can be easily divided along lines of race, ethnicity, or national origin. Women are not monoliths. I have both witnessed and experienced the personal work required for women to support one another, regardless of “otherism.”  

In a 2018 Harvard Business Review Article entitled: Women Experience More Incivility at Work — Especially from Other Women states:

Our research examined these two opposing views by conducting three complementary studies. These studies involved rather large samples, surveying between 400 and over 600 U.S. employees per study, across a variety of service operations and time periods. In each study, we consistently found that women reported experiencing more incivility from other women than from their male coworkers. Examples of this incivility included being addressed in unprofessional terms, having derogatory comments directed toward them, being put down in a condescending way, and being ignored or excluded from professional camaraderie.

The article goes on to question why women experience less civility than men:

Why would women be more susceptible to this treatment from other women? Our research suggests that when women acted more assertively at work — expressing opinions in meetings, assigning people to tasks, and taking charge — they were even more likely to report receiving uncivil treatment from other women at work. We suspect that it may be that women acting assertively contradicts the norms that women must be warm and nurturing rather than emphatic and dominant. This means that women who take charge at work may suffer backlash in the form of being interpersonally mistreated. It may also be the case that these assertive behaviors are viewed as ruthless by other women; given that women are more likely to compare themselves against each other, these behaviors may signal competition, eliciting incivility as a response.

Although 2018 experiences may seem long ago, the 2025 reactions of my friends and their stories say otherwise. It’s one thing to work, live and breathe in a patriarchal system, it is entirely another to intentionally proliferate gender “norms” and bias against one another. Regardless, of my experiences I still believe in women. Because in these same workplaces where I was attacked: I was also buoyed, embraced, and urged on by women. When I make the conscious decision on what I want to believe about women in the workplace, I choose to focus on the latter groups and not the former.

What have been your experiences with women in the workplace? Good, bad or indifferent. Leave your comments below.