The Myth of Earned Confidence
Annie Murphy playing Alexis Rose on Shitt’s Creek
There are some noted difference between men and women in the workplace. Some of them are subtle and some profound. Rarely will I support women “acting” like men, because that 1980s ethos takes away the unique power and perspective only women can provide which is necessary and vital in our workspaces. However, with all rules there are some exceptions, and this is one. The sooner you can embody this principle the easier your professional (and even personal) life will be (who doesn’t want a bit more ease in their life). The principle is this: You do not have to earn your confidence.
Culturally, we often marvel and joke about the unearned confidence of men. They apply for jobs of which they are only 40-50% qualified, while women feel that they need to meet 100% of desired qualifications. They negotiate salaries straight out of school, from which they have no real work experience (something I have experienced as a hiring manager). Unlike women, who shy away from salary negotiations despite education and work experience (something else I have done personally and experienced). Men see and carry themselves as leaders before they even have so much as one major achievement under their belt. Yet women wait to exhibit their confidence. “Why?” It could be cultural and subconscious conditioning starting from when we’re young girls. But I am neither a sociologist nor an expert in gender dynamics. My qualitative data source comes from my own experiences and observations. What I do know is that women wait for that achievement (or achievements) to feel like they can be confident. But when are the achievements enough? Why wait until then? No one said you had to.
I love the show Shitt’s Creek. Particularly I love Alexis Rose. While her rise to Marking/PR executive wasn’t pretty (as in most professional lives) she was always confident. It made for great humor because, frankly she had no reason to be. Right? She just graduated from high school in her late twenties from what I can only guess was Shitt’s Creek High School. She then attended Elmdale Community College (a college of no reputation), online for four months. She graduates and earns what she characterizes as a certificate. The copy of the certificate she received (which she had to upload and printed) bestowed a “degree” in Marketing and Pubic Relations instead of Public Relations; which I’m sure she got fixed. I hope. Despite what people would term as a disaster of an educational career she had the audacity to start Alexis Rose Communications from her motel room home. She ordered business cards. She sit up a home office. She had excitement, enthusiasm, and confidence in what she could do (and how well she dressed); despite having no experience doing it. She went out and started pitching for work, four hours after she started her business. She started with the low hanging fruit. She wrote a proposal for a singles night to the Shitt’s Creek council (of which her mother, Moira, served) for their grant. She pitched RoseBud Motel owned by her father and Stevie, to be their marketing consultant. She became the Regional Marketing Invigorator for Elevation (a cult, but how was she supposed to know). Then she pitched and PR’d her mother’s The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening movie (third in the franchise). Obviously, this was a television comedy but it makes a point. Women have to stop believing we need to earn our confidence in order to move forward confidently.
It’s enough we’re enthusiast.
It’s enough we’re smart.
It’s enough that we can figure it out.
It doesn’t matter where we derived our education or if we have a degree from a reputable school.
We can maintain our confidence even in the face of rejections and failures.
It’s enough for us to look like and be ourselves in the process.
And if the above isn’t enough for someone or some business, you move on to next while being totally perplexed as to why they couldn’t see a good thing while it standing right in front of their face.
Here is the irony of it all. If you have confidence going in, before the wins, you’ll have more wins and achievements over your lifetime to add to your already existing confidence. Dump the baggage of earned confidence. It’s just holding you back.
View the professional profile someone posted on LinkedIn for Alexis Rose.